June 13, 2016

We begin with Haley being weirded out-confused by a strange nightmare she just had about gym class. The basketball stands are filled with cheering people, Tim is a cheerleader, Lucas is on a lane line, Nathan is as well only he is shirtless and Haley is at the free throw line. Mouth, ugh, is announcing the moment as Haley’s flawless 4.0 GPA hanging in the balance as she must make the free throw to pass PE. She shoots and the ball doesn’t go anywhere and thuds like a brick on the floor.

Cut to school where Peyton and Lucas are roaming the halls having guilt chat. Brooke bounces up to them wondering what the good gossip is, blissfully unaware that they’re the newest scandal in town. It’s established that Peyton is going to paint her room so Brooke enlists Lucas to help them move stuff.

Now we are at Counseling de Cusack with Deb and Dan. The two of them are continuing to make no progress. Dan tries to insult Cusack, but she pshaws him and is all, I’m a Cusack. He then goes on and on using the story of 127 Hours as a metaphor for cutting Lucas and Karen out of his life. Everybody is all, ew, you’re a jerk. Deb asks why he didn’t do the same to her and Nathan. He says he saw a future with her. It’s been established that she comes from money and Karen does not. It’s also been established that his dad actually liked Karen and he hates his dad.

We’re now back at school with Peyton and Lucas. Brooke has left school early for plot reasons. Lucas wants Peyton and he wants to break up with Brooke tonight so that he can be with her. Now we’re at Casa de Squints in Lucas’s room and Haley comes in to ask him to help her shoot a free throw. Lucas says he can’t. He’s about to tell her EXACTLY why he doesn’t have time for her when Brooke pops in and Haley leaves. Then Brooke and Lucas head to Gloom Town. Back at school in Whitey’s office, Keith pops in for a celebratory toast to Whitey’s 500 wins. Whitey reminds him that the actual count is 499, but Keith doesn’t care because he wants to drink alcohol. So they do and Whitey says it can be a double party because he is also thinking about stepping down. Keith is like, NOOOOO! Whitey says he promised his late wife, Camila, that he’d retire after 500 wins.

Oh, it’s Naley at the River Court. Haley is practicing her free throws when up walks Nathan. His mom said she’d be there. He helps Haley with her form because she is REALLY BAD at shooting a basketball. I mean, how did she get this far in life not being able  to shoot a basketball?! Ugh, Lucas gets to be smart and athletic. Why can’t Haley be smart and capable of making a shot you freaking learn in KINDERGARTEN! Ugh. Innyway, his help gets her to at least hit the rim if not get it through the hoop.

Over in “Adult” Town, Keith seems to be helping Deb at the Cafe in Haley’s absence. They chat about stuff and Deb reveals she doesn’t think she’ll ever have the same relationship with Dan. Let’s just run through the Dan and Deb drama. Dan is on the beach when he saves a lady’s ugly hat. She tries to bait him but he doesn’t bite. Keith shows up while Dan is cooking his steak for dinner that Nathan won’t be joining him for because he has plans with his girlfriend, Haley (who still can’t make a free throw at this point, by the way). Keith shows up because he likes to be insulted by his brother on the daily. He leaves and the  trouble lady shows up fishing again. Dan takes the bait this time and invites her to join him. Later in the evening when it’s dark, Dan finds an old picture of himself and Deb at the beach. They look very happy in the picture. He tries to get rid of the lady, but she won’t go away. It turns out she is married too, but since neither spouse is around she thinks it’s ok to have a dalliance. Dan is like Nathan and becomes a big dumb ox when his brain just cannot compute people and Deb walks in getting the wrong idea. The lady leaves and Dan and Deb have a dramatic convo that ends in her leaving without Dan. Dan thinks he still loves her at this point.

Back to the kids. Lucas and Brooke show up to Gloom Town. At some point Lucas leaves the room once it’s been cleaned out leaving Brooke and Peyton to talk. Brooke tells Peyton how she is totes falling for Lucas and she’s so excited about it. Peyton is not excited. Lucas walks back in and Peyton lies that she forgot paint brushes and that she is sick. She looks at Lucas and he gets what she really means. Brooke says ok they can try again after Lucas’s mom gets back. Brooke bounces out of the room and Lucas is all, WTF. Peyton is all, I can’t do this to my BFF. Lucas squints, but this is Gloom Town. Sad face. Lucas and Brooke go somewhere to get coffee or hot chocolate, I don’t know which. I do know they are walking down a sidewalk at night with an open container of something hot because this is a lawless town I tell ya, a lawless town. They have a pointless conversation because their whole relationship is a lie. So, moving on…

Peyton goes to talk to Haley at the Cafe to ask her for advice. First, Haley has to kind of make Peyton feel bad about having lots of friends because Haley can’t talk to Peyton without first saying something tacky to her. It’s a defense mechanism that fades away once it’s established that they aren’t clowning her. Innyway, Peyton asks Haley how she and Lucas can still be friends even though she is dating Nathan. Haley tells her that Lucas and her can still be friends because in the end she cares about Nathan and as her friend, Lucas shouldn’t care who she dates as long as she’s happy. Peyton is feeling good. Then Haley tacks on that it’s not like Lucas and Nathan were dating. Meaning, it’s not like she stole Nathan away from Lucas. Peyton is back to feeling very guilty. Peyton leaves and Haley’s like, ok, I have no idea what that was about. Hm.

Next day at school, Whitey has called Nathan into his office. Whitey was looking at a piece of paper with is Life List…Coach for 20 Years, Win 500 Games, Make a Difference. He has exceeded 20 and is about to win 500, but he doesn’t know about that make a difference portion. He gives Nathan a folder of new plays he missed while he was off the team and doesn’t realize he has slipped the little paper of life goals inside the folder. Forgetting Nathan is a big dumb jock that needs lots of lead up, he asks Nathan if he has made a difference in his life. Nathan looks confused and says he moves his feet better on defense. Not the answer Whitey was looking for, he decides to pack it in and retire. (BECAUSE HE ONLY CARES ABOUT NATHAN)

The next day is free throw day. Even with all of Nathan’s coaching, Haley still can’t make the shot so Nathan decides she’s a prime candidate for a granny shot. At PE, she granny’s it in and that’s that. What a weird PE class. Actually, I’m surprised she hadn’t found a way to get out of it altogether.

It’s a cutout of a mermaid. I see it now, but I don’t get it.

So after Keith gets insulted by Dan at the beach he returns to the Cafe. He is SUPER excited because today is finally the day Karen returns! He orders a beer. Deb is all, 3 hours Keith. He’s all, that’s why I need the beer. She gives him one and he tells her about the kiss at the airport and how in 3 hours his whole life is going to finally be what he’s always wanted it to be. Deb is so sweet, she listens.

Haley and Nathan catch up in the hall. She tells him that she made her shot and he tells her that he found Whitey’s life list and wants her to help him with some Whitey research in the library. I’m not sure what the point is other than to get Haley in the Library so she can find Lucas and Peyton making out in the stacks. She is PO’d to the nth degree. Later that night she goes to Lucas’s room to ask him, WTF? He doesn’t fess up right away so she flat out tells him what she saw. Lucas says he wanted to tell her but the timing was never right. She says what he’s doing is wrong. He says she has no room to talk she’s with Nathan and he’s only with her because he was trying to mess with him. Haley is all, no, I was doing it for you and he’s all, oh, you’re kissing him for me, you liar! And Haley is so mad at him she says next time you see me don’t talk to me. He’s all wtf-ever and she’s all wtf-ever and leaves in a huff. Sad face.

Whitey has dramatically packed up his office. Nathan walks in and says that he has made a difference and he can’t quit. He still needs him. Nathan leaves and Whitey turns the 500 into a 600. Whitey’s going to stay. And no, I don’t know what the point was either other than to give closure to Whitey still feeling bad about and partly responsible for what happened to Nathan.

Cut to Gloom Town where they haven’t so much as painted as put up a giant old timey photograph of what looks like people at the movies. Brooke says it looks like they’re all staring and judging you. We are Brooke, we are. Peyton tells her that she needs to talk to her about something, but first she prefaces it with repeating that Brooke is her best friend. Brooke is worried. Cut to Haley’s room? Nathan and Haley are on the bed, studying? She’s upset about something and he can tell and she tells him that Lucas upset her. He wonders if it has to do with him, but she says no, Lucas has just been a very disappointing person lately. Nathan scoffs saying that it’s ironic. Haley’s asks why. He says Lucas has now taken on his role of jerk. Basically, he confesses that their whole relationship started because he was trying to mess with Lucas. He’s so dumb he doesn’t even realize he’s said something pretty awful that Haley might not think is so charming. He doesn’t notice that now she is mad at him.

Back in “Adult” Town, Deb is hanging a Welcome Back sign for Karen at the Cafe. Dan walks in and says he wants to come home. Deb says she wants a divorce. Dan is sad faced. The most crazy part of this scene is what sounds like a sound editing mistake or a ghost who had something to say. Dan days he wants to come home and you can hear a distinct voice say NO before Deb actually says it. Oops.

Keith and Lucas are finally on their way to get Karen. They have cute convo about the kiss at the airport and the tattoo and that they love each other no matter what happens with Karen, blah blah blah. They stop at a red light. The one light on top changes from red to green on one set of lights and a red left turn arrow on the other set of lights. Keith has to turn left. I’ve never seen lights set up this way. Since Keith goes and Lucas doesn’t stop him, I assume this combination of lights means unprotected left turn, yield to oncoming traffic. Or it could just mean you can only go straight, not left. IDK, but Keith goes and they get struck by an oncoming car in the intersection. Dan sees the wreck and runs toward it when he sees Keith spill out of the car. Keith tells him to go get Lucas. Lucas looks dead. Dan looks worried. He forgets there is not yet a 911 in Tree Hill and receives a busy signal. He gets Lucas out of the car, puts him in his own and rushes him to the hospital.

At the hospital, Dan tells the doctor Lucas is his son, the doctor not understanding the significant weight of that moment. It was a very powerful moment back when it aired. My sisters and I were totally in the tank for this show and we had been all ooo, that’s seriously deep, yo. Keith is being checked out by a doctor in the ER and the doc asks how much he’s had to drink. Keith sits there silent. We know that Keith has been drinking like non stop all week, right up until at least 3 hours ago, but the doctor doesn’t know that. Can he even ask that question? Shouldn’t it be, Have you been drinking today? I mean, unless he took a blood test to see exactly how much Keith has had to drink, I really don’t think it’s any of his business.

Lucas is in an OR, I guess, or some sort of emergency trauma room. IDK. Keith calls Karen on an airport phone. She’s been waiting and is getting upset. She has no idea how upset she’s about to be. We end the episode on Lucas flatlining. I think this was like an episode right before an hiatus. So that’s why all the amped up drama. SPOILER ALERT: He lives.

No, I don’t know what Tree Hill would look like on a map to put Dan at the scene after leaving the cafe. I still think the high school has a Rose Red aura about it, it’s constantly shifting and changing rooms and looks, so, yeah.


Episode Notes: 

PLOT: Lucas is a cad and Keith blows it with Karen before it even starts. Haley finds out her relationship with Nathan is a lie. Dan is meeting the consequences of his actions.

BEST PART: The phantom, “No”. I replayed that scene a lot.

LESSON LEARNED: Don’t count your chickens before they hatch. If the arrow is red, just play it safe and don’t go.

BEST LINE: “No”. – Disembodied Voice of Deb Scott


Until next time…tooda loos!